How to Deal With Step Children Driving a Wedge Between You and Your Spouse

Being a step parent comes with its own ups and downs and anyone entering into a relationship with a person who already has children should brace themselves for some challenges ahead. Every relationship would at one time or the other face a problem or two, but the most important thing is knowing how to face the problem and find a solution.

It is not every step child that would be receptive towards the entry of a “stranger” into the family and sometimes quite justifiably, they may have their suspicions about the person now married to their parent. A step parent every now and again has to prove themselves to the children to gain their trust and approval. Whilst there is nothing wrong with that – there would however be a problem if the step parent despite all their efforts can still not do anything right by their step children.

Some step children will never accept their parent’s new spouse and will stop at nothing to make sure that life is a misery for the new person in their parent’s life. So you may want to ask how one can deal children driving a wedge between you and your spouse.

Step one – There has to be trust between you and your spouse

Make sure you and your spouse are on the same wave length. It should be very clear to the children that you and your spouse communicate with each other about everything and the children will see that they cannot use anything against you. A step child who does not like you will try to use anything against you to get their parent to start doubting their trust in you.

You have won half the battle if there are no secrets between you and your spouse and you have a way of talking about everything to each other.

Step two – talk to your step children

If you find that your step children are always trying one thing or another to bring problems between you and your spouse, you may want to have a word with them. This however would depend on their age. Let them know that you love their parent and that is why you are in a relationship. Explain to them that you have not come to take away their parent and if that is one of the reasons why they don’t want you in their lives, then they need to understand that the relationship between children is different from that of two adults.

For some step children, this is all they need to know and they will be okay. For one reason or the other, some children who have grown used to living with only one parent for a long time, will find someone new coming into their lives as a threat. Some may even feel that their parent will no longer have time for them. Some of these feelings of insecurities need to be allayed by you the step parent.

Step three – Get your spouse to talk to them

Sometimes the children would need a bit of reassurance from their birth parent. You may want to allow your spouse to talk to them to let them know that having a step parent in the house would not reduce the love that they have always had for them.

Step four – Talk to the children together

It may be that you both have to speak to them together. Your step children may never stop at trying to create a wedge between the two of you until they see a united front on the part of the two of you. Speaking to them together may get the message across. It may show them that you are now part of their lives and that they should give you a chance to show that you in the relationship for the long haul.

Apart from talking to the children together, you may want to make sure you do things together as a couple and let the children see this.

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